It’s amazing how all the little things in life, connected by the smallest, seemingly most insignificant stitches weave a quilt that tells the story of our entire lives. The cloth is constantly on the loom, and it cannot be undone.
A few days ago I was in a pretty rough car accident, but that in itself isn’t really what this is about. Of course it was terrifying, and left behind a profound appreciation of life and health, but it sparked a thought process that hasn’t left me yet.
Earlier that fateful morning I was milling around the house on auto-pilot like most week mornings. However, I was feeling particularly ordinary that day, and particularly restless. I thought a lot about my writing, my future, and my wants as I readied myself for the typical Tuesday. I couldn’t hone in on anything in particular; I was just reeling a plethora of things. I decided to leave the house a little earlier than usual for no reason…like I said, I was more bored and restless than usual. Before walking out the door I picked up the remote control to turn the television off, and rolled my eyes a little when I saw at least the 89th Steve Jobs special my husband had tivoed was playing. Right as I cut it off I heard Jobs say, “Are you excited about every single thing you’re going to do today?” It struck a chord, and again I don’t know which one. This isn’t a revelation…more an account of events as I watched my cloth being woven.
Within an hour I was standing outside a totaled vehicle with my hips wearing the raw mark of my seatbelt, and my muscles harboring the punishment of a head-on collision. Only moments before I had been driving along, talking on the phone with my Dad, and remarking to myself about what a sunny day it was. Now I had become the victim of a confused elderly woman abiding by British traffic laws. All things considered I was very blessed, just shaken up. I kept reviewing the morning, thinking about how one little change would have kept me off the war path. Had I not decided to leave the house early…had I stopped to get that diet dr. pepper I was craving…but no…my cloth was being woven at this rate, at this moment, and it had been going on for forever, long before I was even thought about. Everything I’ve done, every step I’ve taken, every tiny decision I have ever made has led to all the bad and all the good in my life. I could not be more aware of this now, and there are so many things that have me teetering on the edge of logic and lunacy. I’m in one of those places of confusion where everything is almost perfectly clear…if I could only shut the logic up for one sweet second to figure out what it is I am trying to rest my wondering finger upon…
I see myself thinking, sitting with my eyes closed in a bubble while a tornado spins around me. There are things flying all around and I can’t make sense of any of them…maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe they represent the things that need to be shut out. However I do see an old woman in the corner on her loom, recording it all as always. Even now as I sit and wait for the clarity, I can feel the story be written all around me.