Sometimes it isn’t the time to be deep and philosophical, but a time to retreat to something simple. It seems the older I get, the more I realize this. Maybe I’m going backwards like Benjamin Button, or maybe I’m getting smarter and realizing in those deep meanings we assign things in life is where the trouble exists. Either the wisdom is in simplicity or I’m experiencing early onset Alzheimer’s at 27.
I’ve spent countless hours before pondering the human condition and psyche…to the point I’ve almost driven myself crazy actually. Perhaps because I’m a writer, I’ve conditioned myself to think this way; to draw out every detail of everything that floats through my mind. However, I’ve found more times than not, it’s best to not dissect the alien just because it landed. My younger self would be so disappointed.
I used to believe everything had to be explored, but now I don’t. This is not the idea that we shouldn’t think or that we should forfeit our right to discover. It is however, that once we’ve discovered something, we tend to stir whatever it is around with an unnecessary stick…particularly if our discovery is stressful. Sometimes things are what they seem, and its ok to leave them alone. But it’s so damned hard isn’t it? We’re told not to play with matches, so we quickly run to the back room to strike one don’t we? Why? I think I just answered my own question…
“Why” is a word in our vocabularies and can be found in every language. A cave man probably just grunted some sound before he lit his thumb on fire…it’s in us. We are praised for asking why. However, do we take it too far?
It seems it is our salvation and our downfall. We don’t want to lose our egos and live in a world like Ayn Rand describes in Anthem, but we don’t have to be so purposefully cantankerous for the hell of it either. I used to things defiance was intelligence, spunk, and ultimately the fire that would light a passion in me that would change the way people think. It’s happened before, and I’m grateful. However, what I didn’t know is it is only smart to defy for a reason, a cause that hasn’t been selected for the sake of having one. Sometimes we do everyone a favor by coming off a soap box, and just feel ok for a minute. Sometimes solutions are no solutions. We never know when to stop pushing though, and we’re told from infancy that it’s never. We aren’t taught how to be content. We don’t know we’ve reached our answer and to just sit down and stop. We never know when answers don’t exist at all. Those things, the ones we ponder or don’t, become our passions and our poisons. If we could only have a clear view of which is which…why?
My conclusion this time? Sometimes it’s ok to just be that average Joe for a minute for no reason. Don’t care about what happened at Easter Island. Forget who went to what college. Don’t think about tomorrows bills today. Don’t even read about Syria just that once…come join me. I’m about to pull a chair up poolside, fix a stout mimosa, and find a little joy admiring the color I painted my toenails yesterday. I’m throwing my hands in the air for now. I’ve no room for endless ponderings for a while…and I don’t know exactly why…I just can’t.